“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” ~Carrie Fisher

 

Though this blog is ultimately about forgiveness and its relation to personal success, it seems only appropriate that I start briefly with Resentment, as it’s important in understanding the need for forgiveness in our lives.  According to thefreedictionary.com, Resentment is “Indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance”. Notice the words “real or imagined”, that’s because the grievance is ALWAYS subject to the perception of the “victim”, how he/she chooses to perceive any action or words is directly related to how they feel about it and therefore, whether or not insult was intended has no bearing on the outcome of indignation. There is absolutely no benefit associated with the feeling of resentment.  In fact, it is my opinion that Resentment is the beginning of the MOST damaging thought process of the human mind. Resentment inevitably leads to Resistance and eventually finds itself in the all too common interest of Revenge.  This thought process has created all that we despise most in our culture including divorce, violence, rioting, child abuse, so on and so forth, not to mention every war that has ever plagued our planet!  So why do we continue to cling to such a disastrous emotion??

Our desire to be right has much to do with our attachment to Resentment.  We as humans probably have no greater need than the need to be right.  Thus, when we feel “wronged” (you see, we must first feel right about our stance on any issue before we can feel anyone has “wronged” us) by any outstanding party we immediately feel that some justification must be made. That “wrong” must be avenged.  This need for vengeance is what leads to that ill will that we hold towards the violating party.  It is that “ill will” which concerns me most in this blog.  You see, it’s not very likely that the person whom snatched your desired position at work, created your losses on some extravagant investment idea, stole your lover, or abused you in your childhood is receiving any well wishes from you anytime soon.  In fact, it probably drives you crazy to see them achieve any level of success in their life.  I mean think about it, whens the last time you wished happiness and love for the person whom first broke your heart thru infidelity??

It’s important that you be aware of the ill will you’re holding onto right now, you’ll see why by the end of this article.  The reason this “ill-will” disturbs me is that it is directly related to our judgement of what “justice” is for those who have committed any action we deem as wrong.  Now it’s my belief that our world is a direct reflection of ourselves.  It is through our life experiences that we get the opportunity to learn about ourselves.  We do not see life for what it is, we see life for what we are.

 

With that said, if we believe that it is unfair for those whom have wronged us to achieve any success they wish for in their life, then what do you suppose we are unconsciously wishing for ourselves when we do wrong in our own life??

 

That’s right! The same ill-will you wish upon others for their trespasses against you or those you love, is ultimately the same ill-will you unconsciously deem fit for yourself in regards to your own trespasses.  That, my friends, is why I believe our ability to Forgive is directly related to our ability to succeed!

You see, Forgiveness is not something we do for other people, it is something we do for ourselves, to free us from our mental and emotional prison and move on.  When we choose to forgive, we DO NOT excuse the other persons actions, we are NOT saying “it’s okay to treat me this way”.  In Forgiveness, we take back our personal power. Forgiveness makes a statement and that statement is “Despite your painful actions, I declare my ability to choose Happiness over anger, Love over hate, and Acceptance over judgement.  I no longer give you the power to influence my feelings and I adopt a new mindset of Joy and well wishes.  I wish for you all the successes in your life that I wish for in my own, as I have pardoned your behavior to the same degree that I wish my own hurtful mistakes to be pardoned. I am free from Resentment and you are free to continue your life in any way you see fit.”  For this reason, you might even say that Forgiveness is the BEST revenge of all ;)

To the degree that you can forgive and accept others is invariably related to the degree by which you can begin to forgive and accept yourself for your own encumbrances.  Furthermore, to the degree that you can wish success, happiness, and joy upon those whom trespassed against you will inevitably effect the degree to which you can wish success upon yourself, regardless of the mistakes from your past and the mistakes you will surely still make in your long and prosperous future. Forgive.